Mount Rushmore can often be hurtful, divisive and painful to people……….

what with Abe Lincoln, the war criminal’s big mug up there. The SOB burnt my family’s house down! He suspended habeas corpus, confiscated private property, arrested the Maryland legislature, shut down the free press, imprisoned thousands (northerners btw) and I could go on. Let’s assuage the pains of the past by replacing Dishonest Abe with a true man of the people, a lover, not a fighter, a man who is Barry White’s biological son, and knows all the words to Rapper’s Delight and Float On!  A serious man of gravitas who never stirs the pot or says anything controversial! Not only am I a brilliant constitutional lawyer, but I don’t have a crazy wife, nor do I go around invading sovereign countries. For more evidence of my superior qualifications, see the testimonials near the bottom of the home page.