My brothers and our sons are all on a group text. My phone starts chirping at about 5:30 am and goes all day. Politics, economics, philosophy, religion, history, sports, etc. We Smiths didn’t get to the top of the food chain, the Number 1 surname in the English-speaking world by being uninformed. The reason we defeated the Joneses, the Johnsons, the Taylors, Browns and Millers is because they are chumps, and we know more than they do. Knowledge is power.

My brother Fat Wally is a bit of a conspiracy theorist. He’s not a smooth-talking charmer like yours truly, nor has he ever beaten me in Horse or ping-pong, but I must admit, FW is a smart bastard. He married Snowflake, the head cheerleader at the University of Virginia. She was the one on  top of the pyramid who would fall about 6 stories and the guy cheerleaders would catch her. During the Ralph Sampson days she was on the cover of Sports Illustrated. As a student at Virginia, FW went to law and graduate business school at the same time and never studied. Indeed, he worked a 40-hour week as a waiter at Farmington Country Club. With a photographic memory, he could take the order of 20 snooty patrons and never write anything down. He often could be found playing the pinball machine at Foods of All Nations on Ivy Road. One day Snowflake saw his car parked there and walked in on him. FW was beating the glass with his fists and screaming at the pinball machine, calling it a “CHEATER!”

I mention all this because a guy who thinks that an inanimate object like a pinball machine is conspiring against him to ruin Western Civilization might be a bit of a “conspiracy nut!”

FW and I think alike on almost every issue. It’s uncanny. However, I am a bit more measured. A few years ago, he told me that Justin Trudeau was Fidel Castro’s love child, I didn’t  believe it. That tin foil propeller spinning on the top of Wally’s head makes me pause when he says these things. Mother dropped him on his head when he was a baby. I think it damaged the conspiracy theory department within his frontal lobe. After all, Wally believes Dean Smith was boss of bosses of a North Carolina “cosa nostra” which paid all the refs in the ACC to cheat for the Tarheels.

I am not a Justin fan, but since he has been in the news so much, I have been doing my research, and wow, it seems that a lot of other people have mentioned his questionable parentage lately. FW was way ahead of his time! Here is a video my staff prepared starting with Tucker Carlson opining on Justin’s “Daddy Issues.” I am like Thomas, I doubt. I need lot and lots of evidence to believe such things. I am not going to lie and say something I am not certain to be true, but ole Justin can deliberately lie and fabricate conspiracy theories about the truckers being Nazis and extremists!  Let’s all admit, gossiping is FUN and talking about conspiracy theories is FUN. Anything salacious is FUN. So just for fun, here is how the story goes:

Pierre Trudeau started dating Margaret Sinclair when she was 18. He was 48 and the Prime Minister of Canada. She was psychologically unstable, not knowing that she was bi-polar until much later in life.  She had a voracious sexual appetite as did Pierre. They were “swingers” with no qualms about  orgies.  When I think of Canadians, I think of sturdy folks tapping maple trees for syrup in the winter.  It never even occurred to me that they have sex! However, thanks to the encyclopedic information on the Smith Group Text Chain, I now understand that Canadians do indeed have sex. As mentioned above, knowledge is power.

Pierre was an enthusiastic cuckold who enjoyed watching other men have intercourse with his fiancée/wife. I must not be very hip as it never dawned on me that this would be a fun way to spend a Saturday night.  Oh well, this is the kind of thing that is sure to happen if you name your kid “Pierre.” The two love birds got married in March of 1971. During their Caribbean honeymoon, they reportedly hung out with Fidel Castro.

How many normal guys marry a hot young wife and choose to visit a mass murderer on their honeymoon? Being head of a communist mass murdering state has certain perks.  Your DGI goons grab attractive senoritas off the street and present them to El Presidente for his personal pleasure. Fidel had thousands of partners, and he didn’t have to spend one peso wining and dining them at one of Cuba’s fine -5 Star  restaurants. (If you were on our Smith Group Text Chain, you would know things like this). So the Trudeaus and Castro were well suited for one another, and as the story goes, Fidel, Pierre and Margaret had a jolly time getting “to know” one another. Pierre had an especially good time watching Fidel shag his wife. Nine months later, young Justin was born.

Is any of this true? There’s plenty of published evidence that the Trudeaus engaged in this kind of behavior, including Margaret’s own, very revealing memoirs. Moreover, they both have a “plethora” of celebrity lovers who gleefully admit dalliances with the Trudeaus.

I don’t know if ole Maggie and Fidel got it on, but it’s perfectly believable. See the first 8:15 minutes of one of my award winning ROB IS RIGHT podcasts. At the 6:46 minute mark, she is on record stating that Fidel is the sexiest man she ever met. She’s positively gushing! By her own admission, she “met” a lot of men.  She states she spent their whole time together “flirting.” So a woman with a voracious sexual appetite meets the sexiest man she  ever met…..mmmm…..

For the record I don’t believe Justin is Fidel’s spawn, but since I despise the Left so much, it is fun to  imagine that the Trudeaus engaged in some sort of Rosemary’s Baby  ritual where Fidel, the dark prince of communism could be the father of their child. The physical resemblance between  Fidel and little Justy  is uncanny, see pics here, and young Justin doesn’t look anything like Pierre.  I wonder if Justy ever went to a costume party dressed in camo, chomping on a cigar?

Admit it folks, it is REALLY fun to theorize about salacious sex scandals and conspiracy theories! However,  the real story is not parentage, but how CREEPY  these leftist elites are. By 1971, Maggie and Pete knew Fidel was a mass murderer, yet in pictures, she has her hands all over him and he looks at Fidel with goo-goo eyes. How can anyone with a conscience put their hands all over a mass murderer? Jane Fonda might have been an extreme babe in her 1968 Barbarella debut, but I have hated her since her 1972 Hanoi exploits. Sorry Jesus. My oldest brother was a Marine in Vietnam. I might throw a drink in her face, but I wouldn’t want to  touch that commie bitch. That goes for the 1968 Jane too.

Why is it that leftists make these “pilgrimages to Canterbury” to prostrate themselves on the altar of Communism? Bernie Sanders went to the Soviet Union on his honeymoon as did others. If I ever get remarried, my 26 year old super model wife will be dropping grapes in my mouth along the Cote d’Azur on my honeymoon, preferably at Plage de Pampelone. I don’t plan on  taking time out to meet with Xi Jinping.

Back to Pierre and Justin. As David Horowitz points out, they are “extreme left”  and have a history of sympathizing and praising communist dictators and their regimes. Both Margaret and Pierre were openly chummy with Fidel for decades. Justin wrote a glowing tribute to Castro upon his death. Y’all read the damn thing. How can any western leader write something like this?

I don’t think it is unreasonable to suggest that if one can praise a totalitarian brute of a dictator, then one can behave as the subject of one’s praises. This is what Justin has been doing the past few years. Lock downs. Fining citizens $6,000 for walking out of their house. Shutting down and destroying businesses. Having his goons rough up reporters. Forcing experimental drugs into the veins of citizens. His government just sent  a swat team to arrest a pastor in Calgary for sympathizing with the trucker convoy. In Ottawa, a policeman roughed up, cuffed and arrested a 78 year old man for one toot of his horn and a thumbs up directed at a truck driver.

To all you nice maple syrup tapping, sexually active Canadians protesting the despotism of your government and its pinko soy boy leader, GOOD ON YA ! You are greatly admired and appreciated by all liberty loving people around the world. You are doing the Lord’s work. I am in awe. Thank you.

Honk. Honk!